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When Love Is Not Enough In Your Marriage

We wanted to share some insight from one Mark Manson’s recent articles, “Love is Not Enough” in order to shed some light on some of the most common problems that many of us have in our relationships. Author Mark Manson is a professional blogger and book author who has devoted much of his life to helping people through difficult relationships and emotional problems.  Before becoming a professional blogger, Manson was a dating coach.  And he believes that love is not enough of a reason to force a relationship to work.  He believes that love is not enough of a reason to stay with someone who is not meeting other kinds of needs.  He believes that love is not enough, despite the sage words of John Lennon to the contrary who said that “Love is all you need.”

Manson suggests that many of us idealize love.  We think about love like we see it in movies.  It becomes the answer to all of our problems and the solution to reaching any unreachable goal.  It is the ultimate ending to all of the suffering we have.  Love becomes the answer to all of our questions and the only thing that we will accept.  Because of all of this power that we give to love, eventually the loving relationships that we find may not live up to all of this expectation.  These relationships will not be able to withstand that kind of pressure put on them.

Certain Relationships Will Simply Never Work

When we look at love objectively, it is really about emotions and passions.  Both of these things are important, but are they really something to build a relationship on?  You may be in love with someone who lives in another country, but does it make sense for her to move to you or for you to move to her?  You may love someone with whom you fight every time you are together, but seem to get along just fine when you are not.  Should you force that relationship into continuing just because of love?  Every relationship is going to have some obstacles to overcome, and being in a relationship does take maintenance and compromise, but how much compromise should there be?

There should be no reason that you are giving up your dignity or self-respect.  There should be no reason why you choose a partner who you cannot trust.  Manson brings up the old adage that your partner should be your best friend.  While most people look at this in relationship to all of the positive things about having a best friend, Manson turns it around.  He asserts that if your partner is exhibiting negative behaviors that you would not tolerate in your best friend, then you might be trying too hard to make a relationship work that just is not going to work despite any love that is there.

Manson has come up with “Three Harsh Truths About Love”.  We’d like to share these harsh truths, because they are common and unrealistic expectations that we have all had in regards to love.  Many times, these truths will work their way into a relationship and break it apart because we stubbornly refuse to see the truth.

Harsh Truth #1 – Love does not equal compatibility.

Manson says, “Love is an emotional process; compatibility is a logical process.”  Equating love with compatibility can lead to the destruction of any relationship.  Humans often fall in love with other humans who are all wrong for them.  We fall in love with people who have conflicting life goals or world views from our own.  We fall in love with people who have different belief structures and fundamental values.  It is completely possible to fall in love with someone who you are not compatible with at all and who will negate every shred of happiness that you can find in your life.  Partnership requires logic and forethought.  It will require you to think about what will happen in your relationship when you stop looking at the world through love goggles.

Harsh Truth #2 – Love does not solve your relationship problems.

If you are fighting all the time now, continuing on with your relationship just as it is will not make the fighting stop.  You are not going to suddenly become the person who your partner wants you to be just because you are in love.  The foundation of your relationship should be built on more than love because love is an emotional response that can make you feel amazing for a little while, but it is not really sustainable.

Harsh Truth #3 – Love is not always worth sacrificing yourself.

Manson says, “One of the defining characteristics of loving someone is that you are able to think outside of yourself and your own needs to help care for another person and their needs as well.”  But he asks you to ask yourself what you are really sacrificing and if the relationship in question is worth the sacrifice.  Is this relationship worth giving up the chance to have children, moving to another state or country, or giving up a little of your identity?  Sometimes is it.  Manson says, “But when it comes to sacrificing one’s self-respect, one’s dignity, one’s physical body, one’s ambitions and life purpose, just to be with someone, then that same love becomes problematic. A loving relationship is supposed to supplement our individual identity, not damage it or replace it. If we find ourselves in situations where we’re tolerating disrespectful or abusive behavior, then that’s essentially what we’re doing: we’re allowing our love to consume us and negate us, and if we’re not careful, it will leave us as a shell of the person we once were.”

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