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Challenges help mold our character and contribute to our growth and development as individuals. Sometimes challenges can seem more like burdens. What if we changed our perspective and began looking at them as new opportunities? Perhaps challenges are the gateway to new and exciting transitions in our lives? Dr. Steven Joseph is a leading expert in positive psychology and a pioneer in the field of psychological trauma. According to Dr. Joseph,

“In everyday life we will be faced every so often with important decisions such as whether to take on a new challenge, like applying for a new job or starting a new course. Taking on such challenges is an important part of growing and developing as a person. The more we can test our limits and capabilities the more we will learn about ourselves. New challenges are opportunities for us.”

Accepting Challenges as Gateways to a Better Self

It may be difficult to see things from this perspective, particularly when we’re “in the moment.” After all, no one enjoys struggling or feeling stressed. However, challenges are a lot like fertilizer for a healthy soil. This soil is made from various ingredients that few people appreciate on their own, but when combined they create a surprisingly nourishing environment. From this,  some of the most beautiful creations can manifest. Likewise, in our own lives and experiences, challenges can provide the fertilizer from which we grow and thrive as individuals.

Embarking on a new challenge is almost always frightening, and understandably so! When we allow fear of failure to consume us we may make a habit of avoiding challenge altogether. After all, we can’t fail if we don’t try, right? Life in the shadow of fear is hardly fulfilling, just like a barren plot of land when compared with a beautiful garden. The latter requires considerably more work, particularly in maintenance and upkeep, but the rewards far outweigh the cost of the toil. By comparison, the barren plot of land requires little to no work whatsoever, but the results of that neglect are self-evident. Our lives are as beautiful and rich in variety of experiences as we make them. But first, we must understand that challenge is a necessary part of the bargain.

Avoiding Challenges is Not the Answer

Dr. Joseph says that “staying in your comfort zone out of fear is not always exactly comfortable.  By avoiding challenge, we don’t have the opportunities to learn about ourselves. We feel trapped as if we were leading a life that is not true to ourselves.” In fact, in many cases, avoiding challenge altogether causes just as much anxiety and fear as facing the challenge in the first place. This is because most of our fear comes from anticipation: the dread of something happening. By facing our fears and challenges head-on, we significantly reduce the opportunity for anticipatory anxiety. We are essentially telling ourselves “I’m going to do it, get it over with, and put my fears behind me.” Obviously this doesn’t mean acting without caution, but there is a great difference between behaving cautiously and hesitating to the point of avoidance.

Challenges are Opportunities

Challenges are not just obstacles, but opportunities. They can initiate change or inspire innovation. Dr. Joseph explains that “to lead an authentic life, we need to take on new challenges that stretch us and give us more opportunities to be ourselves.” This doesn’t mean living without fear. In fact, he suggests that authentic people do, in fact, feel fear, just like everyone else, the only thing that sets them apart is that they aren’t willing to let the fear control them. Rather, they face their fears, and come out stronger and wiser as a result.

Everyone has the opportunity to live authentically, just as we all have the opportunity to make choices and face our fears. A common misconception is that we have to do so alone, but there are numerous resources at our disposal to help us in surmounting personal challenges. Friends and family provide a supportive foundation on which we can rely to carry us through difficult times. In other cases, a therapist can also be a helpful ally in facing day-to-day obstacles both internal and external. Everyone feels fear, but we are also capable of overcoming that fear, and taking control of our own lives and choices. In this way, fear can transform into a kind of enthusiasm, from which we can learn to engage with our challenges and ultimately learn from them.

To learn more about speaking with a therapist in Boca Raton, call our office @ 800-378-9354.

There’s a difference between impulse and decision. When we react to a situation, we are acting impulsively. Reaction is, in essence, an emotional impulse triggered by outside stimuli. However, Austrian neurologist and psychologist Viktor Frankl theorized that “Between stimulus and response there is a space.  In that space is our power to choose our response.  In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

Reacting vs. Responding: The Difference

Frankl implies that we often react without thinking. What this means is that we don’t choose our behaviors, we just act them out. However, we don’t need to just accept these reflexive behaviors. So what can we do? Frankl notes that there is, in fact, a “space” which exists before we react. By making use of this space, we can learn to grow and change. The key is to not only recognize but increase our use of this fundamental moment. With this awareness, we can free ourselves from pressures both internal and external, thereby finding true inner happiness.

Many of us encounter situations which seem to provoke particular reactions. Perhaps we’re faced with a person or circumstance which seems to purposefully make us upset, or perhaps we find ourselves responding negatively to a certain place or experience. Instead of simply reacting based on impulse, such as lashing out or falling into a negative thought spiral, we can instead choose to respond. The difference is by responding we are taking control of this situation that previously held control over us. We do this by finding our “space.” This space varies from person to person and can be derived by searching for meaning, or by meditation, prayer, or therapy.

So how can we find our space? Below are some helpful tips that can be incorporated into any therapeutic approach to taking control of one’s thoughts and emotions:

5 Useful Tips to Control Thoughts and Emotions

1. Be the Person You Want to Be

Many if not all of us have an image of an ideal self. The ideal self is the person that we would most like to be. It is our best image of who we are based on our goals, dreams, and aspirations. Thus, a good technique for learning to respond rather than just react is to think of the person we’d most like to be – the best version of ourselves. This is especially important in areas in which we might struggle. For example, if we find that we’re quick to anger when things become challenging, we might instead want to be more patient. Because of this, our ideal self might be a patient person. Taking the time to develop a clear vision of this goal can lead to better chances of achieving it.

2. Understanding Where Reactions Come From

All reactions come with reasons. After all, every feeling and thought has an origin point. Understanding this can make it easier to understand where our reactions are coming from. In this way, we can also better address our reactions by treating the source rather than simply dealing with the outcome. An example of an origin to a reaction may be if we had a parent or authority figure who was overly critical, and then developed a self-deprecating or anxious impulse whenever we are faced with a task we find difficult. When we look at the origin of this reaction, we realize that the real problem isn’t the reaction itself but addressing the previously overlooked situation from which it likely developed.

3. Observe Outcomes

On another note, while it is important to examine the origins of reactions, it is also important to be mindful, at least in part, of the outcomes. Each reaction will produce a result. While we shouldn’t dwell solely on the outcomes (origins are important, too, as we’ve previously examined), we should be aware of how our reactions will impact not only ourselves but those around us. By becoming more aware of the negative consequences of reflexive impulse, we will be more motivated to change to a more desired response. In other words, if we notice how our reactions are impairing us, we might be more likely to think before we act.

4. Think of a Better Response

Visualization often can help us achieve goals. By thinking of better ways that we can respond, we can increase our chances of becoming our ideal selves. It also increases the likelihood that we will change how we respond to difficult situations in such a way that it benefits rather than hinders us. For example, rather than reacting by yelling or getting frustrated we respond by calmly working through what is causing us stress.

5. Adopt a More Compassionate Approach

It’s no secret that personal change takes time and effort. Because of this, it’s important to support ourselves throughout this process. Being critical will only undermine our efforts to improve ourselves. Instead, we should practice understanding ourselves, our intentions, and being patient with ourselves. We can better achieve our goals with compassion and support, which ultimately will have to come from within in addition to being derived from our external environments.

The entire family will benefit from therapy and counseling.

Call 800-378-9354 to schedule an appointment with a Boca Raton family therapist.

What many people may not realize is that mental strength, like physical strength, is acquired through exercise. We can make our minds stronger over time by making our personal growth and development a priority, and always focusing on our mental energy. Just as we might carve out time in the day to go to the gym or train our bodies so, too, should we remember that our minds are just as if not more important. There are a number of healthy habits that can aid in this strengthening. Below, we’ll discuss 8 of the best practices of enhancing one’s mental strength and resilience.

1. Use Your Mental Energy Wisely

To be mentally strong, you’ll need to learn how to use your time and energy carefully and for maximum benefit. In today’s world, it’s very easy to find oneself distracted from things that really matter by a number of comparatively unproductive and unimportant tasks. To be mentally strong is to learn how to avoid these unnecessary distractions and to direct your efforts to the things that matter most to accomplish your goals.

2. Establish Goals and Work Towards Them

Building off of the first practice, mental strength can be built and maintained when you establish clear goals for yourself both personally and professionally. These goals should be meaningful and purposeful. Don’t limit yourself to goals that only provide immediate but hollow gratification. Keep your long-term goals in mind and don’t allow these short-term rewards to be a distraction. Furthermore, treat any obstacles as challenges to be overcome, not as limitations. No obstacle can prevent your success if you dedicate your mind to surpassing it. Doing this will not only help you achieve your goals but will also improve your mental strength.

3. Reframe Negative Thoughts

It’s no secret that negativity doesn’t help anyone achieve optimum mental energy. Everyone experiences negative thoughts sometimes, but the important thing is to not let those thoughts consume you or stop you from following your ambitions. While it may be difficult at first, try to silence pessimistic sentiments with positive reinforcement and productive inner dialogue. With practice, you will learn how to not only develop a resilience against harmful negativity, but also strengthen your overall mind and will. Be your own best friend and coach you won’t struggle to be motivated.

4. Reflect on Your Progress

A good way to enhance your mental strength is to take some time to reflect on your progress towards your goals daily. Make note of the things you’re doing well, and don’t be afraid to acknowledge any areas which might need improvement. After all, holding yourself accountable for mistakes is all a part of progressing towards your goals and growing stronger as a person.

5. Balance Emotions with Logic

Emotions can be powerful. Feelings often play a strong role in our choices, perceptions, and behaviors. But don’t let your emotions completely control you. Remember that you are in control, and pay attention to the ways that your emotions can influence your judgment. The key not only to improving your mental energy, but also to building a stronger mind is in learning how to balance feelings with logic to make the best possible decisions in any situation.

6. Practice Gratitude

We often feel as though we deserve more than we have. Oftentimes these feelings might have justification, but rather than dwelling solely on what we don’t have it’s also important to remember to be grateful for what we do. Mental strength can be enhanced through the practice of gratitude. Everyone has things in their lives for which they can be grateful, learning to recognize and acknowledge these things can not only help the mind but can also increase your overall happiness in your life.

7. Learning to Manage Discomfort

At first glance, this might seem strange, but really its a necessary practice. Some people go to any length to avoid distress, even if it impedes their life and overall satisfaction, others go out of their way to endure pain simply to prove that they’re tough. In reality, there are many times in our lives where we will have to face situations in which we feel uncomfortable, when our mental energy may not be at full capacity. To be mentally strong is to learn how to deal with these situations and feelings of discomfort, particularly if the outcome of the situation serves a greater purpose.

All experiences are educational, even those that may initially seem unpleasant. For example, you might feel scared before giving a speech in front of an audience, but that speech might ultimately prove to be a pivotal success in your personal or professional life. While you might feel uncomfortable, to be mentally strong is to learn how to manage that discomfort and focus on the ultimate goal.